I suppose it was inevitable, being a Gemini and all, that I’d end up being both helm and crew. You know, split personality, unable to decide on one or the other. Of course sailing with Pete for six years was really just a ploy to learn as much as I could about how to do it properly from the best sailor in the fleet.

Still it wasn’t long before the voice in my head was whispering “you can do that” and being male I was arrogant enough to think I could. So I switched from being the monkey at the front to being the gorilla at the back. Now, my darling wife Sue is many things but I had my doubts that enjoying being wet, cold and exhausted was going to be one of them. Still, when I took up dinghy sailing she gamely agreed to give it a go. It was then that the old split personality showed up again. I knew how to crew so I obviously had to instruct her in the correct way to do it. Conveniently forgetting how long it had taken me to learn (just ask Pete.) I was frustrated at just how inept she was at spinnaker handling, after all had I just not spent an entire ten minutes showing her exactly how to did it? It followed that, that time honoured phrase uttered by all husband and wife teams reared its ugly head....
“Don’t shout at me”.... “I’m not shouting “...“Yes you are”
“I’m NOT SHOUTING”...........silence................................ 

“Please take down the spinnaker” “and don’t speak to me in that patronising voice” This exchange took place so often that at one point we even thought about calling the boat “Patronising Voice” I know we aren’t the only ones, as one day we passed close to Baldric and social sec. during a particularly gusty race and heard the same exchange, word for word. Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy sailing with Sue. It continues a sporting partnership than began in a rally car and she joyfully recounts the time when I insisted I knew the road better than her, only to miss a turning while travelling at 100 mph. Believe me it takes a long time to stop and go back at that speed.
Pete and I though, never had a cross word, well, maybe one, but it doesn’t really count as it happened at Spinnaker club during the last open of 1999. I finally lost my temper when Pete totally failed to see which way the wind was blowing and was trying to beat up the pond when it was obvious the wind was coming from behind. After a few choice words we hoisted the kite and I got it pulling, just in time to see Dennis head straight back towards us also with his kite up. Before I could say anything the ****** thing caved in and shot between the jib and the main and stuck like Velcro to the spreaders. Just as this happened we arrived at the mark so Pete quite reasonably wanted to tack. Suffice to say the exchange of views was frank and forthright followed by a fairly prolonged silence before I apologised. We agreed we'd never go back. However by last year the ‘voices’ were telling me I could do it better so Sue and I set off to prove a point. Surely I reasoned, the wind at Spinnaker couldn’t be that unpredictable?
Wrong. Not only was it unpredictable but it blew like old boots and we were in danger of unseating Grand Master Nemo himself in the capsize stakes until I heard that familiar refrain echo forth from ‘Nautilus’ “Don’t shout at m...blooobp...bubble....bubble... bloop” To make matters worse Pete was watching from the shore, camera in hand, although I doubt any photos came out as its hard to hold a camera steady when you’re laughing that hard.
This year, due to a certain small boy, Sue and I will not be able to sail together so “Chavirez” will be helmed by Steve Brown on Thursdays with Sue, whilst I have enlisted the services of Lucy Agass for Monday nights. By the way Lucy, if you’re reading this, I made it all up, honest.

Barry Southam